More Advice for Alix and Elle

To Alix and Elle, and Jonathon and John Sam, too. For that matter ... Taylor, Conor, Nate, McKenna, Sam, Cade, Kiley, Meghan, Cas, Jack and a baby to be named later: TAKE HEED!


This speech, also known as “The Eleven Rules of Life,” has been widely attributed to Bill Gates, but it’s actually part of educator Charles Sykes book, Dumbing Down our Kids.

RULE 1 Life is not fair - get used to it.

RULE 2 The world won’t care about your self-esteem. The world will expect you to accomplish something BEFORE you feel good about yourself.

RULE 3 You will NOT make 40 thousand dollars a year right out of high school. You won’t be a vice president with fancy car until you earn both.

RULE 4 If you think your teacher is tough, wait till you get a boss. He doesn’t have tenure.

RULE 5 Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your grandparents had a different word for burger-flipping. They called it Opportunity.

RULE 6 If you mess up, it’s not your parents’ fault, so don’t whine about your mistakes: learn from them.

RULE 7 Before you were born, your parents weren’t as boring as they are now. They got that way from paying your bills, cleaning your clothes and listening to you talk about how cool you are. So before you save the rain forestf rom the parasites of your parent’s generation, try delousing the closet in your own room.

RULE 8 Your school may have done away with winners and losers, but life has not. In some schools they have abolished failing grades and they’ll give you as many times as you want to get the right answer. This doesn’t bear the slightest resemblance to ANYTHING in real life.

RULE 9 Life is not divided into semesters. You don’t get summers off, and very few employers are interested in helping you find yourself. Do that on your own time.

RULE 10 Television is NOT real life. In real life people actually go to jobs.

RULE 11 Be nice to nerds. Chances are you’ll end up working for one.

And on a personal note, my darling children, nieces and nephews: Be nice to your parents (and your aunts and uncles, too). They not only love you, they own the garage you may someday find yourself living in.